This blog post is part two of a two-part series on Polyvagal Theory - go back and read part one to understand Polyvagal Theory and its connection to “fight or flight”.
If you haven’t already, make sure to read the previous blog post on Polyvagal Theory to get a better understanding of how this fascinating concept can influence our emotional states. We all want ourselves and our children to feel safe and connected, right? So, how can we make that happen in everyday life?
One of the key ideas in polyvagal theory is the importance of the ventral vagal system—a part of our autonomic nervous system that plays a crucial role in emotional regulation, social connection, and our ability to stay focused and engaged. Luckily, there are practical steps we can take to help activate this system, both for ourselves and for our children. Here are a few tips to help promote feelings of safety and calm:
1. Co-regulation: Stay Calm to Help Others Stay Calm
As parents, caregivers, or even as adults in relationships, co-regulation is a powerful tool. This means we can help ourselves and those around us stay calm by regulating our own emotions and responses. It’s not always easy, especially in stressful situations, but it’s possible to help ourselves and others feel more settled by consciously maintaining a calm and grounded presence.
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Deep Breathing: One of the most effective ways to activate the parasympathetic nervous system (the calming part of the autonomic nervous system) is through slow, deep breathing. When we take deep breaths, we not only calm ourselves down, but we can also influence those around us. Humans are social creatures, and our nervous systems tend to mirror those of others. So, by focusing on your own calm breathing, you can help those around you feel more relaxed, including your child.
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Calm Body Language and Tone of Voice: Maintaining calm body language and using a soothing tone of voice are also key ways to promote feelings of safety and connection. If you’re upset or stressed, it can be hard, but if you’re able to remain calm, it will help the people around you feel more secure and at ease.
2. Create a Safe and Predictable Environment
Children thrive in environments that feel secure and predictable. You can create a sense of safety by establishing familiar routines, which help children know what to expect and feel grounded.
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Routine and Structure: Building familiar routines around meals, bedtime, and playtime gives children a sense of stability. This sense of predictability is calming for the nervous system.
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Calming Environment: You can also create a soothing physical environment. Dim the lights, play calming music, and keep spaces tidy and uncluttered. Sensory tools such as body socks, weighted blankets, or fidget toys can also help children feel more grounded and calm.
3. Foster Emotional Safety in Your Relationships
For children to feel safe and connected, they need to feel emotionally supported in their relationships. Here’s how we can create that environment:
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Validate Emotions: One of the most important things we can do as caregivers is to acknowledge and validate our children’s emotions. Let them know it’s okay to feel upset, frustrated, or scared, and that you’re there for them no matter what. This makes children feel seen and understood, which helps activate their ventral vagus system and brings a sense of safety.
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Non-Verbal Cues: Eye contact, open body language, and a calm tone of voice all help convey safety and reassurance. When you make eye contact and speak in a soothing voice, you’re helping your child’s nervous system recognise that they are safe.
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Affectionate Touch: Hugs, gentle touches, and affectionate physical contact all stimulate the ventral vagus system. The body responds to nurturing touch by calming down, which is particularly important for children who may be feeling anxious or upset.
4. Use Calming Activities to Activate the Ventral Vagal System
There are several activities that can specifically help to activate the ventral vagus nerve and promote calmness:
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Chewing, Humming, and Singing: Research has shown that activities like chewing, humming, and singing can stimulate the vagus nerve, helping to calm the nervous system. You can encourage your child to chew gum, hum their favourite song, or sing together as a way to promote relaxation.
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Gentle Massage: A gentle massage, especially around the neck and shoulders, can help reduce tension and activate the calming effects of the ventral vagus system. This can be a comforting and bonding activity for both you and your child.
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Active Play: Whether it’s running around the backyard, playing games, or engaging in active play indoors, this helps release physical tension and can activate the calming effects of the vagus nerve.
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Mindfulness and Meditation: Activities like mindfulness, meditation, or simple breathing exercises can help to activate the ventral vagus system, reducing stress and promoting relaxation.